I don't really know what's going on.
I understand that my heart beats because Stacey allowed it to.
I understand that since December 6th I have thought of nothing but meeting her face to face.
Since December 12th I have spent countless hours pouring over her letters and photographs. Studied my face in hers. Studied her handwriting. Her facial expressions.
I understand that my parents are severely threatened by this.
I had hoped with everything in me to take 3 days at the end of September - the end of my fall break - to visit her in Las Vegas. I hunted for the cheapest tickets. $285 was what I came up with. I figured my bank account could suffer the dent. These were extenuating circumstances. It's my mother. My flesh and blood for crying out loud. I called my mom to share with her the good news of such a cheap ticket, after she said she had already looked and saw that the lowest price was $600.
"Why? Why do you want to go to Las Vegas? What could you possibly have to do there? It's too expensive. You're doing too much. It's just too many things."
She's my BIRTH MOTHER.
"Your father won't go for this. This is not what he put that money in your account for."
Then let ME talk to HIM.
"NO. NO. Why do you want to go there anyway? How are you going to pay for it?"
She's my BIRTH MOTHER. I'll pay for it with the money in my account!
"I didn't put that money in your account so you could parade around Vegas for 3 days. That money is there for school. We just got you all that camera equipment. Do you think we're made of money? Do you have some sort of job your going to get this money from? Are you planning on coming home and working and scraping together $300 and then fly off to Vegas? You think we're going to let you do that? I don't understand why YOU'RE going THERE. Why doesn't SHE come HERE? What about her trip in July?"
It's August...
"Don't take that tone with me. I know it's August. Why didn't she show?"
I don't know, Dad, it's more complicated than you're giving it credit.
"There's nothing complicated about it. You need to focus on school, not prancing around Las Vegas with this woman. And I don't want you going alone."
I'd prefer to be alone.
"Well, I won't have it. Go do some homework."
