I watched you watch him. It was different.

There's a feeling. When he was little I watched you. I watched you..watch him.

I saw you look at each other. It was different. I want that."

Then She Found Me - Eleanor Lipman

is it...denial? It has to be. In watching the movie Then She Found Me (which..the book kind of sucked. royally. but I love Bette Midler and felt it was my duty to endure..) there was a scene between the (adult) adopted daughter and her adoptive mother where she describes why she wants her "own" baby and doesn't want to adopt. I've had that very conversation with my own adoptive mother countless times. ...Only I didn't have the backbone to admit that I saw the difference. For her sake, I let her believe that I saw nothing.

A friend of mine just recently had a baby. Her third - a girl. I watched her watch her. I saw them look at each other. It was different. And I remembered when my mother brought my little brother home from the hospital. My brother (also adopted) and I watched her carry him in in her arms. And we both just turned to each other and stared. We knew. It was different. But we said nothing. We didn't need to.

As a mother -- as a mother who adopted twice and gave birth twice -- how can you not notice the difference? Is it denial?

It has to be.