I am ONE

ONE: Describe my origins. 

EMH: Oh, it's a long story. 

ONE: I wish to hear it. 

EMH: Another time. 

ONE: I wish to hear the story. Now. 

EMH: In a nutshell, there was a transporter malfunction. My emitter fused  with several of Seven of Nine's nano probes. 

ONE: I was an accident. 

EMH: Call it a random convergence of technologies. 

ONE: Am I unwelcome here? 

EMH: On the contrary. Our primary mission is to explore new forms of life.  You may have been unexpected but given time, I am sure you'll make a  fine addition to the crew.

I was an accident.  Obviously, I was not a convergence of technologies, but I certainly was an accident. No two fourteen year olds get together with the intention of having a child. And yet, two did. I’ve struggled with this concept all of my life. I know that I was never intended to exist. But I do now. For whatever reason, my birth mother chose not to end my life. So there must be a purpose for it.. right? At fifteen years old, it would not have been exceptional to have chosen abortion as a viable solution to an unwanted pregnancy. But abortion was not chosen. And now here I am. But for what? I still have no answer. Sometimes I wonder if abortion would have been the better choice.. the “righter” choice. At least then I wouldn’t be playing tug of war with my own purpose for existing.

JANEWAY: Well, we can delay telling him for now, but keep in mind the  drone is becoming an individual. Seven, he has the right to know. Sooner  or later, we'll have to answer his questions.

And here was the moment of clarity I wish my adoptive mother would have had. I wish she could have had this conversation with Captain Janeway and realized that I had the right to know even the minuscule amount of information that was known. Knowing was a vital part of becoming an individual. And I have been delayed in doing so because of not knowing.

ONE: No. I should not exist. I was an accident. A random convergence of  technologies. 
SEVEN: You are unique. 
ONE: I was never meant to be.

Again, here is my (seemingly) lifelong struggle. I suppose I am only at my quarter-life now, but thus far, I have battled this in myself nearly every day. I was an accident. I was never meant to be. And when I watched this scene, I couldn’t help my tears. And they kept flowing, because I realized I was weeping out of jealousy. “One” was allowed to end his battle. He died heroically saving the ship and its crew. Lucky bastard. I just wait. And wait. And wait. And maybe one day I will find my purpose.